Let me say a few words about language.

In Greek, a 'P' sounds like an 'R', an 'X' sounds kind of like an 'H', a 'B' sounds like a 'V', a 'v' is a lowercase "N', an 'n' is a lowercase 'H' that makes an 'e' sound, a 'u' is a lowercase 'Y', 'w' and 'o' are two different kinds of like a lowercase 'O', a 'D' sound is a combination of the "N' sound (which sometimes looks like a 'v') and a 'T,' a 'B' sound is a combination of 'M' and the Greek 'P' (but remember, the English 'P' makes an 'R' sound) and 'J' does not exist and is replaced entirely with 'TZ'.

People say that once you've learned one foreign language, it becomes easier to learn others. People told me that taking Latin would prove useful one day, because it would help me to learn some of those other languages. Well, Latin is useful. Very useful- when I'm doing Sunday crossword puzzles, or on those frequent occasions when I need to ask Quintus if I can borrow his catapult. Unfortunately, Latin is not really so useful when it comes to learning Greek. I guess this should not surprise me; the Ancient Greeks and Romans were very different in many respects. But didn't the Romans sort of appropriate lots of Greek culture, you know, classical sculpture and all of that? Why couldn't they have appropriated more of the Greek language along the way? It would make my life easier.

But maybe they did...after all, Spanish is one of those romance languages that evolved from Latin somewhere along the line, and there are some similar words in Spanish and Greek. For example, in Spanish, "aqui" means "here." The Greek "ekei", which sounds exactly the same, means "there." Spanish has words like "que" and "y", which sound exactly like the Greek "kai" and "H" (that sounds like "eee", remember the spelling lesson I just gave you?). Unfortunately, in Spanish, "que" means "that" and "Y" means "and," while in Greek "kai" means "and" and "H" is a feminine article that I can never quite put in the right place even without the dusty remnants of high school Spanish appearing uninvited from the file cabinet in the back of my brain where they have been mouldering for the past five years.

Speaking of my luckluster Spanish skills, I certainly hope that I am never called upon to use them again, because they have become hopelessly muddled and hybridized as of late; I can't even get through a simple "uno, dos, tres" without experiencing the urge to throw in a δυο or a τρια. All my foreign languages just become one big blob, like paint spilled by El Greco. Or Paella with octopus. Or just one big blob.

And to top it all off, "Ναι", pronounced "Nay", which sounds like "no" in pretty much every European language including Louxembourgish (go ahead- look it up), means "yes" in Greek.