A Little Worried About Your Future?

It's college graduation season again, and I'm finding it hard to believe that it's been one whole year since I myself graduated. However, now that I'm one of these Real World residents instead of a college student, I feel it necessary to share what I have learned in my first year since college. I feel that this is especially necessary because I am also kind to trying to figure out what the hell I'm going to do with myself next year, and it makes me feel better if I can give sage advice to someone, anyone. So, without further adieu, here are five important things to keep in mind:

1) Everyone talks about the real world as though it were a horrible, horrible place where all of your dreams will be crushed and you will miss college forever. This is not true. Look at me; I do various jobs and still have time to read books, write all different things, get the ocassional eight hours of sleep and obsess over my cat. I did not have time for any of that at college.

2)If you majored in English and you think your major is useless, move to a foreign country where they do not speak English, and suddenly you will feel more useful. If you don't want to move to a foreign country but you still feel your major is worthless, you are wrong. English is not the least useful major out there, not by a long shot. Just think of all those people who majored in Classics and Philosophy.

3) Read books for fun, and watch movies, but don't read books or watch movies that try to make points about the futility of life by depicting promising young people who destroyed their lives and never came to anything and ended up homeless on the street.

4) Always remember that you never have to eat dining hall food again. You may have to get up early in the morning, and you may have to clean your own toilet, and you may have no money, and you may feel lost, confused and scared. But you never have to eat dining hall food again.

5) People are going to try to give you lots of advice. They have probably already been trying to give you advice for months or even years. Maybe you have even been asking them for advice, but they are probably giving it whether you are asking for it or not. They are popping out of the woodwork shouting things like "College is the best time of your life! The best time of your life is OVER!" and "You should really start to think about law school" and "you should really start to think about getting a PhD," and "You should NOT become a teacher," and "You should DEFINITELY become a teacher." People that you hardly know are coming up to you and asking you "what now?" and you shrug, and they say "Starbucks," and "Journalism" and "Plastics!" People are saying "It's awfully hard to make friends out there in the real world" and "You're going to be in a long distance relationship? Why? You realize you're DOOMED, right? DOOMED! It won't last a week and you'll end up lonely FOREVER!" People are giving you books with titles like "The Post-College Survival Guide" and "How To Go From Liberal Arts Grad to Millionaire in Five Years" and "How To Not Live In A Carboard Box on Broadway." If you are thinking about just relaxing and getting a job at Barnes and Nobles, people are telling you "You're overqualified for that! Don't do it!" If you really don't want a job at Barnes and Nobles, people tell you "What, do you think you're too good for an honest job? Kids these days are so spoiled!" If you tell people that you want to become a famous best-selling novelist they laugh and say "Get a grip on reality!" If you tell them you don't think you'll ever be a best-selling novelist they tell you "Follow your dreams!" Eventually, all of this will bombard you to the point where you want to cry or vomit or curl up in a little ball in the corner and cover you ears and scream "LALALALALA, I CAN'T HEAR YOU!" or all three.

You should feel free to ignore all of these people. Including me.